Age is just a number or so they say. There is nothing special in turning 22. But for me this is my first birthday as an independent person. I feel like I am coming of age, I am slowly moving on from college life, I am wanting things I haven’t dared dreamed to want before. I am exploring venues and opportunities that I have ignored before. I am becoming bored of taking things less seriously and talking gossip and talking nonsense and arguing about things I believe in.
I am still scared of what people are thinking about me , or what they would think of me. I do not want to come out as rigid, uptight and no fun. But I can’t help but ignore things that doesn’t make sense to me. I know I sound like an old lady, all work no play, killjoy and things like that. Some might say I am too young to think about “grown up” thoughts, but the thing is, I am already grown up, I might as well start acting one.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy roadtrips, beer, wines, chatters, and from time to time senseless conversations, these are the fun moments I couldn’t live without, but I am feeling that I am slowly outgrowing these things. I want bigger dreams, bigger plans, bigger destinations, bigger actions.
I want to explore more, to see more, to feel more, to experience more, to listen, to hear a lot of things. Maybe the things I am dreaming are too far fetched, I can only hope, I can only dream. But I can really feel that this is my year. I know I will take a lot of risks, get into a lot of fights, make reckless decisions, become impulsive, and make a lot of mistakes. But I am feeling the restlessness looming around in case I let my fear defeat my spirit.
If there is one thing I am truly sure about myself is that, I am my own enemy, and I am my own limit. So many possibilities but what is holding me back from taking that step? Rejection? Failure? And now I ask myself, am I ready?
And I answer, “as you are.”