I am totally messed up. I don’t know my goals, I don’t know where to end. I don’t know where to start. The straight line I have been following is now more of a blur rather than crooked. I am lost. I am scared.
I don’t know where to get the juices I have since starting this trip. I want to throw it all away and hide. To go where nobody would find me and stay there until I’m okay. I think I am tough but things are going wrong in ways that I do not understand.
I might be depressed or just sad, or frustrated. I don’t know. I feel totally lost right now.
I want to ditch the trip that I have set but it is there, an imposing challenge that I cannot resist. It is right there in the future, a signage, a symbol, a road block, a detour that I cannot possibly skip. I must endure. Sometimes I think how shallow of an individual I must be. Giving up in the first signs of trial. I imagine that this is also part of the trip, the road to travelling, the road to finding my true passion, or just finding me.
In the next few months I want to try to find my bearings and my harmony. But until then I would be stuck in this old dark place that is me.